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Wispy brown hair

always worn in a ponytail

Eyes that sparkle 

when you can catch them

A tiny frame, now eight years old

And though she be but little, she is fierce*

8 years to wonder

8 years to wait, to hope, to pray, 

to admit it’s more than tantrums or terrible 2’s,

to try to figure out the fits

Nothing works but time, waiting minutes, hours for it to pass

Separating yourself from your reality to stay calm

Holding her when it’s over, like flipping a light switch it just stops,

and I cry as she says “I’m sorry” and falls fast asleep

And though she be but little, she is fierce

Sitting in my car, a day in March

I received the call

ADHD they tell me, and it’s significant, 

I knew but I wasn’t ready

can’t focus at school, sits and stares off, struggles academically 

Separation anxiety

I knew but I wasn’t ready

avoids using the bathroom at school all day because she’s afraid her class will leave her, won’t go into another room in the house alone, doesn’t want me or her sisters too far away and thought her sister was never coming back when she went canoeing

Level 1 Autism, formerly known as Aspergers

I knew but I wasn’t ready

intense & explosive, going limp, writhing on the floor like nothing I had seen before, leaving a birthday party early because it was too loud and she covered her ears while all the other kids were having fun, repetitive behavior, not walking down the steps until the light stops blinking on the door lock

And though she be but little, she is fierce

She loves to dance and sing, but doesn’t want you to notice.

She loves to play family and restaurant.

She creates slideshows just for fun.

She loves the snow but the beach is her favorite.

She is smart, funny, and beautiful.

She is sweet, loving, and kind.

She is more than the moments that are hard.

She is more than the challenges of her mind.

She is more than a diagnosis.

She is more than a difference.

I am proud to be her mom.

And though she be but little, she is fierce

*William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, 3.2.325

For more information on Aspergers:

https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/aspergers-syndrome#:~:text=Asperger’s%20Syndrome%2C%20a%20form%20of,can%20be%20rigid%20and%20repetitive.

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