It Cannot Be Fixed
For those with children on the autism spectrum, every day can be really challenging. People often don’t see what you and your child experience. The child may be reserved or even shut down in public, but explosive at home. The people who are the closest with the child are the only ones who witness the array of behavior. The child’s behavior often does not match their age and they don’t progress through stages in the same way as other children. Things that should be simple are incredibly stressful. It affects everyone in the family, including the other children. It can leave you feeling depleted. You want to fix it, and you can’t.
Enough
Every day it keeps repeating,
the wish, I wish, would stop,
that my love would be bigger,
that my love would be enough.
Enough to keep the tears from falling,
the fists from clenching up tight,
the falling, the writhing, the screaming,
the fears that wake her up at night.
Bigger than every worry, every stress,
I need to be –
the hugs and kisses and tight embraces,
the prayers that come from me.
In the hard moments,
nothing works,
and love seems not to win.
Sorrow seeps and shivers,
and nothing else can fit in.
And I ask God, over and over
when will it be enough?
We are tired,
tired of being tough.
Faith not by sight,
and not by our might or power.
We need you in the moment Lord,
not some other hour.
Standing on the promises,
our feet can grow so weary.
In the saddest of the moments,
I just want to know you hear me.
Childhood is not the same
for every child, or for every mother.
Hold us when we hold them,
keep us from going under.
If my love can’t be enough,
Cover her with yours,
and leave me just with patience,
and a hope that long endures.
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