Top Three Things
We got married in a Pentecostal Holiness church. I’ll never forget the marriage counseling we did before the wedding. The preacher said to us that there were three things we would argue the most about. Sex, money, and kids. You know what? He was right.
I’m not sure that everything really sinks in when you are in pre-wedding stage. You are often so busy trying to plan all the details that you don’t spend very much time considering what life will be like as a married couple.
Decisions have to be made on the color of the flowers, the gifts for your bridesmaids, the location, the wedding favors, and the food. Who is the photographer? Will there be a honeymoon? There are a million things that have to be done and they take on a life of their own. It leaves you little time to think about how yours is about to change. Think about what it will be like, not just for the first year or two but for forever. That’s what the preacher wanted us to do. He wanted us to think about what marriage really is and to make sure we were ready for it.
You will experience those three hot topics differently throughout your marriage. One thing is for sure, marriage magnifies your own traits, both the ones you are proud of and the ones you are not. Selfishness will easily shine. Mismanagement of time or troubles will try to triumph, and you either grow together or you grow apart.
Reasons for Divorce
While our preacher summed it up in three categories almost 17 years ago, you can find those three tucked among many of the common reasons cited for divorce right now. In a recent article for The Oprah Magazine, Lacey Johnson mentions a divorce study that says “roughly 40 percent of its participants cited financial issues.” Additionally, Johnson notes that many divorces occur during “intense periods of adjustment” like having children. Johnson also says, “In a 2019 study published by Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, the most common reason for divorce was found to be a lack of love and intimacy.”
So there you have it. The same reasons I was told, before I fully understood what it meant to try to build a life with someone else, are still relevant in 2022. Another interesting part of the article were the findings by Emily Pollock, a partner at Kasowitz Benson Torres LLP. Pollock said most divorces “are closer to the middle of the spectrum—between 7 and 14 years.”
1 Corinthians 13
If you are married or planning to someday tie the knot, be aware of the 3 hot topics. Revisit 1 Corinthians 13. It’s hard to read these words without feeling conviction, no matter how many times you’ve seen them before.
1 Corinthians 13
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Greatest of These
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
“1 Corinthians 13.” BibleGateway, www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NIV. Accessed 21 May 2020.
Johnson, Lacey. “The Most Common Reasons for Divorce, According to Marriage Counselors.” O The Oprah Magazine, Hearst Magazine Media, 2020, www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/a32405167/reasons-for-divorce/.