She is more than a diagnosis.
Wispy brown hair
always worn in a ponytail
Eyes that sparkle
when you can catch them
A tiny frame, now eight years old
And though she be but little, she is fierce*
8 years to wonder
8 years to wait, to hope, to pray,
to admit it’s more than tantrums or terrible 2’s,
to try to figure out the fits
Nothing works but time, waiting minutes, hours for it to pass
Separating yourself from your reality to stay calm
Holding her when it’s over, like flipping a light switch it just stops,
and I cry as she says “I’m sorry” and falls fast asleep
And though she be but little, she is fierce
Sitting in my car, a day in March
I received the call
ADHD they tell me, and it’s significant,
I knew but I wasn’t ready
can’t focus at school, sits and stares off, struggles academically
Separation anxiety
I knew but I wasn’t ready
avoids using the bathroom at school all day because she’s afraid her class will leave her, won’t go into another room in the house alone, doesn’t want me or her sisters too far away and thought her sister was never coming back when she went canoeing
Level 1 Autism, formerly known as Aspergers
I knew but I wasn’t ready
intense & explosive, going limp, writhing on the floor like nothing I had seen before, leaving a birthday party early because it was too loud and she covered her ears while all the other kids were having fun, repetitive behavior, not walking down the steps until the light stops blinking on the door lock
And though she be but little, she is fierce
She loves to dance and sing, but doesn’t want you to notice.
She loves to play family and restaurant.
She creates slideshows just for fun.
She loves the snow but the beach is her favorite.
She is smart, funny, and beautiful.
She is sweet, loving, and kind.
She is more than the moments that are hard.
She is more than the challenges of her mind.
She is more than a diagnosis.
She is more than a difference.
I am proud to be her mom.
And though she be but little, she is fierce
*William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, 3.2.325
For more information on Aspergers:
