Today I Bought Myself Flowers
Every flower must grow through dirt.
~Laurie Jean Sennott
Today I bought myself flowers,
bright and colorful from the store.
I put them in a vase with water,
and I knew what they were for.
I sat there and I stared at them,
then I moved them place to place.
I thought “how beautiful”
as tears slid down my face.
I’ve learned this is a grown up thing
I didn’t do before.
A little trick, a “remind me of it”
to keep me moving forward.
No one tells you the day
when things will suddenly change,
when your life will feel like it’s floating,
and things will be rearranged.
Some days you will only see what is lost,
you will only see what is missing.
And despite the most grand efforts,
you cannot adjust your vision,
and so the flowers sit where they will catch my attention.
Of sorrow, of worry, of pity –
they never make a mention.
When the time is right,
there are new blooms as bright and happy as before.
But,
for now,
I just bought myself flowers
and I knew what they were for.
Resources for Depression
If you are feeling depressed and need help, there are resources available for you right now. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a National Helpline that is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. You can reach SAMHSA by calling 1-800-662-HELP (4357). The CDC also has a list of great resources. Read the stories of others and consider sharing your own at the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
A world of grief and pain
~Kobayashi Issa
flowers bloom—
even then.
